As part of the new Q & A series on the BBN blog, here is another important question that might be on your mind…..

Today’s Question: How do I put the pieces of my life back together again after breaking up or divorcing?

If you are in the process of breaking up or divorcing or if you have already gone through this pain, you may not know where to turn for guidance. You may not know where to turn for help.

Your feelings during this time can be overwhelming - you could be experiencing a wide range of feelings including: sadness, disappointment, fear, pain, loss, grief, loneliness, despair, and a host of other feelings that come swirling in – often without notice.  Then sometimes there is anger – almost out of nowhere.  Rest assured that, actually, anger is good.  At least at this stage. Your feelings are seeking to be recognized.

Depending on where you are in your process, there are different steps to take.  It is important to know how you feel and why you feel the way you do.  You have endured a significant loss.  It is a loss of the present as well as all of your future  plans together.  It is quite unsettling and you have every right to grieve your loss.

Assuming there is no hope of reconciliation on the horizon – today, your new life, and your new future is in your hands.  You have choices – they may be choices that you never asked for – but they are your choices nonetheless. If you are a woman of faith, that is one place to start.

Beginning the Shift

You can begin to shift from a sense of “all that you have lost” to a sense of gratitude for “all that you  have“.

Think about it. Look around at the beauty around you and take it all in.  Slowly.  Calmly.  Quietly.  Breathe in the outside air – the trees. The flowers.  The clouds. The birds.

Close your eyes and breathe.  Think back to a time when you were filled with joy.  Now let that feeling wash over you— then gradually let your smile take over.  Enjoy the peace – enjoy the smile.  Did you notice what happened?

Do this at least 10 times a day to get you back to center.  It really helps; it is a powerful reset of your emotions – the “un-do” key if you will.

Take a  moment to appreciate  those little things that you see around you.  It begins to shift your focus outward.  Then look at your  life – do you have your health?  Friends? Family? Pet? Job? Community?  Make your own list and then make an effort to say thank you at least once a day to someone who does not expect it.  It does make a difference – it’s let you know that you are not alone.

As  you work through your grief, it is important for you to know that there is hope and there is help.  Yes, grief is necessary when your feelings are raw.  So go ahead and cry.  Then when you are done… more and more each day… you’ll know there is a better way.

The Next Step

You have value.  You are special.  You are unique.  You have gifts.  You deserve to be nurtured – so when will you start?  It all begins by you beginning - it is that clear. Sick and tired of being sick and tired.  Begin or advance your process in a way that is right for you.  Seek out support in a settign that feels right for you.  Be with people.  Go to dinner.  Go to a movie.  Begin ever so slowly to shift your mind to new possibilities of peace in your day.

Gratitude for what you do have is an important step to putting the pieces of your life back together again.  And unlikely Humpty, you can recraft the pieces differently – into a newly empowered you.  Yes, it is possible.  Yes, you can.

If you’d like more help and support, there is also my 5Es to Recovery coaching program. I’d be happy to answer your questions about it.

Do you have a question on relationships?

Just Say No to the Status Quo TM

Looking to bounce back from a break up?  Checkout the e-book: “Bouncing Back From A Break Up : 7 Essential Steps to Creating a Newly Empowered You” available now at http://www.BouncingBackNow.com/store

Donna Marie Thompson, PhD – The Bouncing Back Now Relationship Coach – is a best-selling author, a Certified Professional Coach, a Certified NLP Practitioner, and a Master Practitioner of the Energy Leadership Index. Donna Marie is listed as one of America’s Premier Experts in relationships and personal development. She is the host of the “Bouncing Back Now” show on the Real Coaching Radio TV network and the  “Bounce Back”show on webtalkradio.  Donna Marie is a featured relationship expert panelist on the new Conscious View TV series.  She has been the special guest on many radio shows and on the Brian Tracy TV Show as seen on ABC, CBS, NBC, and Fox affiliates across the country.  Donna Marie will be showcased on the national TV show “World’s Greatest”  in July 2011.