Values and core values.  I prefer the “core” label so that you are able to focus on just a few values that are really important.  We all identify with dozens of values to some extent – but the core values drive your beliefs, feelings, and actions.

I’d like to share a quote from an unknown source:  “Integrity is not so much a value in itself; it is rather the value that guarantees all the other values.”

Because your core values are central to your life and thus to your relationship, it is a good idea to know exactly what they are.   And did you know that your values change based on the role that you are fulfilling at any given moment.  Think of the various roles that you play as a:  person, spouse, parent, sibling, child, friend, provider, driver, member of your community…on and on.  What you are doing governs the set of values to apply in that situation.

Your Values in Your Roles

For example, at work it might be important to be professional.  In the car, safety comes to mind.  At home, nurturing is generally on the scale. For each role, some values are more important than others.

Your values govern the way you live and the way you respond to life. They govern the way you react to situations that present themselves. They govern the way you react to your friends and to your non-friends. You can consciously act outside of your values – but your true values are still there at your core.  Your values can set your direction and help to keep you on course.

Are you having relationship problems or relationship issues?  How might aligning with your values mend them?  Are you on the brink of breaking up? Is your relationship communication something less than satisfactory? How might aligning with your values improve the situation?  How can a healthy relationship be created?

Your values represent your authentic self.  When you are true to your core values in your relationship you will change the way the you see the events of the day.  And when you act in alignment with your values, clarity and consideration come into focus. The way that you communicate  changes.  And when you make changes, it is likely that your spouse or your love will notice.

Awareness

If you are not a generally aware person, your values can sometimes be more apparent to others than to yourself. If you are more in touch with your values, you can make conscious decisions by applying your values in real time to assess the right course of action. You can judge by the way you feel about the immediate decision itself and about the downstream consequences of the action.

If you have a situation going on in your life right now, identify your five core values in the role that you are playing.  Take your time with it.  I can help with a guided core values exercise if you like.

After you have your values lined up, then articulate specifically how you are living  those values in that role.  What evidence is there ?  How are you doing?  How do you know?  Where are there gaps? What is your next step?

Just Say No to the Status Quo^TM

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Donna Marie Thompson, PhD – The Bouncing Back Now Relationship Coach – is a best-selling author, a Certified Professional Coach, a Certified NLP Practitioner, and a Master Practitioner of the Energy Leadership Index. Donna Marie is listed as one of America’s Premier Experts in relationships and personal development. She is the host of the “Bouncing Back Now” show on the Real Coaching Radio TV network and the  “Bounce Back”show on webtalkradio.  Donna Marie is a featured relationship expert panelist on the new Living Consciously series on Denver cable TV.  She has been the special guest on many radio shows and on the Brian Tracy TV Show as seen on ABC, CBS, NBC, and Fox affiliates across the country.  Donna Marie will be showcased on the national TV show “World’s Greatest”  in July 2011 on the ION network.