“Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one’s values.” Ayn Rand

Relationship problems? After all is said and done, you have a decision to make.  Does the good outweigh the bad?  Does the future hold a new and expanding vision — or just more of the same?  How will you feel in 5 years if things are the way they are now?  Think about it.  Take you time.  Be purposeful. Be aware.

Should you stay or should you go? Only you can answer that question.

If you are on the brink of a break up, when it comes right down to it – whether to stay or whether to go – there is one key attribute that might help you sort through your relationship issues and your relationship problems.

The Key Attribute

The most important element – the key attribute that can help you make that decision about breaking up – surprisingly is not love, it is your core values.  Your core values form the foundation of your character.  When they are violated, you can never go back.  Once a vase is broken – it will always  be cracked even if you manage to glue it back together. Likewise, once your values are violated things will never be  the same, and your love begins to fade.

So when you are thinking about your relationship and your love, a key question is: Do you share common core values?

What are Your Core Values in Your Romantic Relationship?

The core values for your relationship can take many shapes and forms such as honesty, fidelity, integrity, trust, and respect.  There are literally scores of values – so don’t let this brief list limit you in any way as you search to identify the values that mean the most to you  – the ones that you cannot waver on.  I have a list of more than 100 core values and I joyfully conduct 1-on-1 core values training sessions over the phone if you need help.

And as you compile this list of your own core values as they relate to your romantic relationship, you can begin to assess the core values as demonstrated by your spouse or love.

How Do You Know?

So how exactly do you know the core values of your love? It’s not just in their words.  Many times under pressure we are tempted to shade the truth in an effort to be accepted.  As the pressure intensifies, so does the temptation to veer away from the truth and our core values.

And it is a lot easier to say things than to actually do them, especially when the survival of the relationship is on the line. So when assessing the perceived values of another, actions are all that matter.  Notice the focus is entirely on what they do.

Search for Compelling Evidence

Think back over the past and identify the times when your values were truly aligned with each other; ah peace and harmony.  And then think about times when they weren’t.  Was one of your core values at risk?  What were the circumstances of the situation?  Was that acceptable?  How do you feel about that now? Is there a trend to spot?

Are your values moving closer together as a couple or are they moving farther apart?  Are you getting closer to values that are really meaningful to you?  Think carefully of recent examples and sort through the details to help you uncover the underlying trends as they relate to your core values. Why not make it a personal development goal?

As you process the events surrounding your relationship issues, use core values as a key attribute to sort through your thoughts and feelings about the present and your goal for more happiness in a healthy relationship – just maybe not this one.

Just Say No to the Status Quo TM

Do you have a question on relationships?

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Donna Marie Thompson, PhD – The Bouncing Back Now Relationship Coach – is a best-selling author, a Certified Professional Coach, a Certified NLP Practitioner, and a Master Practitioner of the Energy Leadership Index. Donna Marie is listed as one of America’s Premier Experts in relationships and personal development. She is the host of the “Bouncing Back Now” show on the Real Coaching Radio TV network and the  “Bounce Back”show on webtalkradio.net.  Donna Marie is a featured relationship expert panelist on the new Living Consciously series on Denver cable TV.  She has been the special guest on many radio shows and on the Brian Tracy TV Show as seen on ABC, CBS, NBC, and Fox affiliates across the country.  Donna Marie will be showcased on the national TV show “World’s Greatest”  in July 2011 on the ION network.