“As I go through all kinds of feelings and experiences in my journey through life — delight, surprise, chagrin, dismay — I hold this question as a guiding light: “What do I really need right now to be happy?” What I come to over and over again is that only qualities as vast and deep as love, connection and kindness will really make me happy in any sort of enduring way.” Sharon Salzberg

How true, how true.  Sometimes it is right there in front of us, yet for some reason, we don’t see it.  We take for granted our hard-earned gains.  We take for granted the love in our lives – the one we tried so hard to capture. The one that you were so excited about.  The one that would change everything for you.  But here you are. No quite so happy.  No quite so fulfilled.

Somehow in all of the living, perhaps you’ve lost a lot of the loving.  Sure there are some relationship issues.  Of course, there are some relationship problems. It is only to be expected. After all, you are two different people.  And you’ve been together for quite awhile now.

The Good News

If there is still spark of love left in each of you, then the good news is that  it is not too late.  You can build upon the foundation of that love.  You can make it stronger.  You can make it better. There is new hope.

So what is within your control right here, right now?   How do you view your relationship?  What are the good  parts?  What can you appreciate about your love?  Have you been thinking about your relationship in a negative vein lately?  How easy would it be to stop that right here in your tracks and begin to look for the positives?  Time for a story….

Imagine

Imagine walking outside in very early spring – it is cool and it is dark just before the sunrise.  As you are walking you can see your breath – yes there sure is a chill in the air. Yet as the sun begins to emerge there are rays of light.  There is warmth.  There is hope. What a great sight!  

As it gets lighter you begin to notice the ground around your feet.  There is a small garden to one side and – could it be?  A flower?  Yes, it’s a yellow crocus.  So bold, so brave  peeking out in the darkness and in the chill.  No, this flower and its beauty will not be held back.  It will show its petals to the world.

So think of your relationship as that crocus.  There may be trouble all around yet that flower will show up to share its message of new hope and renewal. There is much good in your relationship.  It just might be trapped under a heavy weight of busyness and things – chores, errands, finances, obligations.  But it is there.  Just as the flower bulb holds tremendous potential – so does your relationship.  Just as the crocus emerges anew, so can your relationship.

How?

Summon up your feelings of love and longing, of tenderness, of appreciation, of gratitude.  You know they are in there; they have just been buried.  Daily life can be a grind and it can cause you to lose perspective on the big things – the important things - including your relationship. Yes, you can get that feeling back. You can have a healthy relationship.

You have the power to experience love and joy – you can change the channel away from your problems. Think about something that is very special to you about your love –  something hopeful and wonderful that fills your heart. Happiness is on the way. 

Why wait for a special occasion to appreciate your love? You can have joy whenever you want to; it’s within your grasp.  Change  the way you view your love and your love will change.  Your relationship is a system; a change in one part changes the entire system.

 Action Steps

Think of a special time that you really enjoyed together. Talk about all the things that you enjoyed.  Why was it so much fun?  What were you feeling? What was your love feeling? Use all of your senses to remember as much as you can; the sights, the sounds, the smells.  Make those memories really come alive. Permit those feelings to envelope you and to pervade your mind and your heart. Spend a minute or two just basking in the joy of that special moment and feel your spirits lift.  If you can swing it, plan a getaway weekend.

You’ve got the power to make it come alive again. 

Just Say No to the Status Quo TM

Donna Marie Thompson, PhD – The Bouncing Back Now Relationship Coach – is a best-selling author, a Certified Professional Coach, a Certified NLP Practitioner, and a Master Practitioner of the Energy Leadership Index. Donna Marie is listed as one of America’s Premier Experts in relationships and personal development. She is the host of the “Bouncing Back Now” show on the Real Coaching Radio TV network and the  “Bounce Back”show on webtalkradio.net.  Donna Marie is a featured relationship expert panelist on the new Living Consciously series on Denver cable TV.  She has been the special guest on many radio shows and on the Brian Tracy TV Show as seen on ABC, CBS, NBC, and Fox affiliates across the country.  Donna Marie will be showcased on the national TV show “World’s Greatest”  in July 2011 on the ION network.