How to Get Through a Break Up with ForgivenessPosted by Donna Marie Thompson, PhD on Sep 29, 2011 in Bouncing Back, On the Brink of a Break-up | 0 comments
“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” Catherine Ponder
How to Get Through a Break Up
Ah, the break up.
But fear not, there is life after a break up, really. This is the second in the series of about getting through a break up. There are many obstacles to overcome when you find yourself trying to get through a break up. We have already talked about grief. You just got to feel the grief and deal with it in your own way in your own time. Wishing it would all go away is just not very effective – we’d all be healed if it was.
It is all a process. Hang in there – it will get better after your break up. You can do this.
Another Obstacle in Your Break Up
Overcoming today’s obstacle that is challenging for many baby boomer women - perhaps you have been hurt in thsi divorce or break up. The rug has been pulled out from underneath you. So forgiveness is not on your mind right now. You might be sad, mad, angry, frustrated and a dozen other emotions. Sitting there with a broken heart. Well, you can begin to heal that broken heart with a dose of —- forgiveness.
Goal in Your Break Up
What is your over-arching goal here in putting this break up behind you? It could be to be happy and whole – once again. That could be the end game. Surely, that is where happiness lives. When you’re feeling so sad and lonely, how can you even consider being happy? You might be thinking that you will never be happy again. So let’s move on to obstacle #2 to get past this right here, right now.
Break Up Obstacle #2
The second obstacle to overcoming loss is not letting go of the hurt with the amazing power of forgiveness. If you have suffered and are in pain, forgiveness does not readily come to mind. A divorce or a major relationship break up surely qualifies as pain. That dull ache that never seems to leave.
It is better for you to forgive. In fact, it is a gift that you give yourself to let go of the thoughts that keep you tied to the events that have hurt you. Begin to let them fade. Begin to distance yourself from the intensity of those feelings. Begin to forgive.
You forgive for yourself, not for anyone else. You don’t even have to tell them that you forgive them, the magic is inside of you. Granting forgiveness to others does not mean that you approve or necessarily condone questionable actions by others. Granting forgiveness to others does not mean that you completely forget about what happened.
True forgiveness means that you have moved past the action itself and have forgiven the person. Upon your act of forgiveness, you have cleared your mind and no longer harbor bad feelings. Hanging on to feelings of resentment is harmful to you and your health, increases stress, and often has no effect whatsoever on the other person who is off of their merry way.
Ridding yourself of resentment enables you to replace those swirling thoughts with positive, constructive thoughts. The act of forgiveness raises your energy level and brightens your outlook.
Call to Action:
Identify an opportunity to demonstrate true forgiveness. Work out how you will undertake it, in your mind. Create a story where you forgive them. Say it out loud – “I forgive you”. Say it 3 times — louder each time. Then assess changes in your feelings over the next few days.
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How to Bounce Back from a Break Up
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Donna Marie Thompson, PhD – The Bouncing Back Now Relationship Coach – is a best-selling author, a Certified Professional Coach, a Certified NLP Practitioner, and a Master Practitioner of the Energy Leadership Index. Donna Marie is listed as one of America’s Premier Experts in relationships and personal development. She was the host of the “Bouncing Back Now” TV show and the “Bouncing Back Now” radio show on the Real Coaching Radio TV network and webtalkradio. Donna Marie has been a featured relationship expert panelist on the Living Consciously series on Denver cable TV. She has been the special guest on many radio shows and on the Brian Tracy TV Show as seen on ABC, CBS, NBC, and Fox affiliates across the country. Donna Marie was showcased on the national TV show “World’s Greatest“ on the ION network.