“The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are.” Stephen R. Covey
Most of us have no clue what our values are and how they change from role to role in our lives. But your values are your road map – without knowing and fully understanding them you are driving blind. And then there is also your spouse or your love to consider.
The more your core values are aligned with those of your partner and with your expectations, the better chance your relationship has of being sustainable over the long term. Your core values play an important part in defining your character and they are likely to play a key role in any successful relationship. If you’re to truly live out your core values going forward, it is important for you to define these principles with specificity for yourself and for your partner. Take some time to explore the values that you admire in yourself and in others.
In this insightful and revealing core values exercise you will first identify core values from an extensive list for the role that you have selected, such as spouse.
First for yourself, you identify significant values that resonate with you. You go through the entire values list at least once and are encouraged to take your time. There could be many values that you ascribe to. When your list of values is complete, you go back over it and evaluate your essential top values. These are your core values.
It’s not as easy as it sounds. Building the list is inclusive and expansive; culling it to the top values takes prioritization. After you fully explore your top values, you complete an exercise where you think about these values in your life. When you are comfortable that you have your top values identified, then it’s time for the partner values exercise.
After you have completed the core values selection for yourself, you do it again – this time for your current or future partner. There is a set of values sheets specifically for your partner. If you are in a relationship, you assess your perception of their core values; it helps to have evidence of their values in action.
If you are not in a relationship, then you will identify what core values are you looking for in a partner and why.
You will note significant values that resonate with you in your partner. When the list is complete, you will identify your essential top values for your partner. These are either your partner’s core values or else your desired core values for your future partner.
As you go into your debriefing training session you will:
• Know your general values and your core values
• Know the values in your partner or the ones that you’d like to see in a partner
• Know the values that you have in common
• know the values that are not shared
After the debriefing training session you will know what it all means and how you can successfully navigate in your relationship to avoid the rocky shores.
How would you feel if you had a definitive guide to what was going on in your relationship?
This very enlightening debriefing training exercise takes about an hour or so with the coach after you have completed the background reading materials and the pre-work. The fee is $125; debriefing sessions are scheduled by phone appointment.